Heartbreaker EP
A collection of the seasons of darkness most people would never guess I have...
Happy Canada Day, if you celebrate it. If not, Happy Canada Day anyway… the world needs more love and peace and unity instead of all the division BS anyway. And what a segue into my latest musical release…
This release is very special to me. And if you read this til the end, you can listen for free. It’s at the bottom.
I looked back after I put this thing together and saw that it’s a collection of all the L’s I’ve racked up over the years. Yep that’s right, only five. HA! Okay, that’s a lie. It’s more accurately a collection of the five different peices of recurring pain I’ve been navigating in my life before/after Darwin. As you can probably tell by the album art, this one hits home. If you didn’t know… there’s a couple things in the backstory that’ll bring you up to speed…
I had open heart surgery as a little baby and
I buried my bestest bud, Darwin, a year and a month ago. He would have been 11 today.
Why I think these are important pieces of information is that I live through my heart, I have always aimed to love hard. I think that’s just because I had to fight for my life. I also think it’s given me great adversity to always seek love first. We tend to get so mad at each other when we’re misunderstood.
I guess I spent my whole life being misunderstood so it’s pretty normal for me and not something i get too bothered about… Darwin taught me the art of unconditional love too, that helps.
And really, I have always been the one to love hard.
So hard that I burned myself in not one, but two marriages…
The last wild relationship was down in Australia and it’s hard to believe that I’ve been (basically) single since June 2020. My last few years have seen me grounded (mostly) in Calgary and I have intentionally taken a step back from the relationship market in favour of focusing on my career — or so I thought.
This album brought up a noticeable desire to feel loved — and despite my history — how damn stubborn I am in creating love in my life (thanks mom, your German is rubbing off on me again/still).
It’s not just the romance type of love that I’m after. It’s the feeling of our entire civilization (ha… I wonder sometimes) being able to see one another for what we have in common instead of what makes us different. I think when you love yourself, you are okay with anyone saying things that may make another person who doesn’t love themself defensive. It’s a theory I have that I’m working on, and that’s where I’m at with that right now. I say it becasue that’s what changed for me. I started loving myself for me and expressing what I want. Fresh out of F*cks to give… I have no other alternative.
We’ll , no, that’s not entirely true. I could have kept on being a doormat. Kept on seeking attention. Kept on seeking approval from others instead of finding what really moved me and sticking with that. So maybe that’s why this album happened…
I wrote this album almost instantaneously when each song came through. The last tune “Moments”, I’ve been hanging on to forever… like seriously 2023. And I’ve even tried re-recording it… but this version, the original just hits different. It closes down the EP with a stunner — “go turn around and let em all see you.” Which pretty much sums up this album. Like, stop treating your life like a dress rehearsal, y’know?
Anyway, if you decide to listen to my music, know that I am really happy with the way this record came off. I’m proud that I did it all myself, front to back and learned a lot about myself. And production. Especially on vocal takes. And now, this is the first time I’ve seriously considered touring my indie stuff because I can actually play it and sing it… I’m genuinely in love with the way that I sound and how I make things now. I know I could pull it off and have a pretty sweet stage show. What do you think? Should I do it? Build a band and tour it out in the summer/fall?
This is my favourite version of me so far. Real. Feel free to stream, purchase it or share it out with a 90s kid who thinks too much, wears their heart on their sleeve and feels everything… or y’know, someone else you care about who likes a little indie rock.